My Husband doesn’t know me
A few weeks ago I told my husband he didn’t know me any more and I wasn’t sure if I knew him, either.
Next week my husband and I will have been together for a total of ten years. That is a decade of loving each other. Fighting, crying, growing, and just living this crazy life. Being together for so long brings a different set of challenges. You start to grow and evolve as a person. In this past year I have grown so much. I began to notice a difference in myself after the birth of our first son and again after our second. It was hard to not notice after my priorities took a huge shift in 2020. So now we are here.
When you get married you are promising to learn to love your partner at every stage of their life. They will change and you are promising to learn to love them at their new level. We are now in a position where we have to relearn each other. I wondered when it would happen since we’ve been together since I was 16. That answer was 10 years, apparently.
It makes sense that you won’t be the same from 16 to 26. But you will also be different at 36, 46, and 56. My faith has grown bigger, my love has grown stronger, and I am even more picky about my time. The way I value my life has changed, overall. Now, my husband can’t interact with me the way he used to because I’m no longer her. I’m different now.
These are things that can destroy your marriage if you aren’t cognizant or aware that these changes are okay.
What were the signs for me? How did we get here? I started to feel uncomfortable speaking with him about certain topics. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. You know how when you meet someone new and you just start hanging out you have no idea what things they may perceive as weird or take offense to? That is what it was like because I am a new person. I started to catch myself having those feelings.
Now, let’s be clear. My main “framework” or personality is the still the same. There are just some core things in me that have shifted.
Having that conversation can be ruined when you don’t have the wording. All they may hear is, “You don’t know me and I don’t know you anymore” so they end things.
So what do you do when you get here? What am I doing now that I am here? You build up your love map.
Love maps are built up by..
Never stop being curious about your partner. Consistently seek them out and ask them open ended questions so you can learn their latest likes and dislikes, beyond the superficial. Seek to do new activity with each other. Make time for these without interruptions and allow them to be casual
Learn and speak each other’s love language. Take the quiz HERE and start speaking them today. Fill their love tank! You can also download their app to help you out daily.
Have consistent date nights! Switch things up and have different date nights. Even when you repeat something you both enjoy, it can get monotonous. Make it a nonnegotiable. Some great resources for date night ideas are Dating Divas, A Prioritized Marriage, or KarlCo.
When you choose forever, you are bound to experience this at some time. Save this blog post for when you do!